No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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