You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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