When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
