were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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