someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
