Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
