This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
