Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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