dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
