When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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