I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
