so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
