Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
