He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
