I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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