so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
