After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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