I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
