my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
