bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
