waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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