My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
