Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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