i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
