so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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