Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
