You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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