but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
