Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
