I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
