I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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