I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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