Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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