My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
