Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
