I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
