No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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