In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
