Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
