He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
