I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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