I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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