I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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