so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
