Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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