She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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