You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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