I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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