I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
