There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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