How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
